I'm having a tough day today....

My Oncologist called it "processing" as I sat there crying in his office today. He asked me to start from day one and explain the chain of events of how my cancer was discovered. It was very difficult to do this, especially since I was there to learn the details of my treatments and I was already upset and nervous. I'm beginning to think that the surgery was the easiest part of this whole thing. I am trying to stay focused but the thought of the chemo treatments that I am facing are really doing a number on me emotionally. My doctor explained that there was a 30% chance of reoccurring without the chemo. That doesn't leave me with any options other than to do it of course. I will undergo a total of 4 months of treatments. The first 2 months will consist of a series of 2 drugs every other week. The second two months will be one drug every other week. I am really scared and nervous about the fact that I have to have a port placed into my chest so the chemo and all the blood work can be done much easier. If I don't have the port, my veins would look like I was a junkie. I'm not looking forward to any of this. I wouldn't think anyone would really. Sorry that this update isn't more upbeat, but I suppose I am entitled to a bad day every now and then. I do have my positive attitude, and I am thankful that things aren't as bad as they could be. I just needed to have a "moment" to collect my thoughts and really let this all sink in and "process" as my doctor said today. My port will be put in the first week of January (Happy New Year) and chemo will start immediately that week. I was told within a week or so of my first treatment, I can expect to lose all my hair. I better start learning how to tie a doo rag or buy some cool hats. I was also told that I have to give up 30% of the things that use my energy the most. Looks like I'll be hiring a personal cook, cleaning person and driver! Maybe Sandals can loan me one of their butlers for 4 months! Wouldn't that be nice? I just have to stay positive and it will turn out fine, with a cancer free mummy shizzle :). This is Frankie I just thought I'd finish it up a little.

Pathology Report - It finally came!

Jeff and I went to see my incredibly talented and sweet surgeon today. She went over the pathology report with us in layman's terms. It was kind of like reading Pathology Reports for Dummies so we would completely understand the findings. Honestly, there are still some things that we don't quite understand but hey, the important part wast that my lymph nodes (or nymph lodes as Jeff quite often says) were not affected! This we were told in the hospital, but seeing it in black and white felt so good.

What was a little upsetting was that the cancer was actually much worse than originally thought from the biopsies. I had invasive ductal carcinoma and DCIS on each side. So stage 1 in one and Stage 2 in the other. I am so glad that I had the surgery that I did. It's sure not fun recovering from it, but once I am healed it will be just an icky memory.

I am so very lucky that this has turned out the way it has. I caught it, and I am dealing with it now and I will be fine when the treatments are all over. I thank my lucky stars every day that I started early mammograms due to my family history. I am only over one hurdle and have a long way to go, but I'll get there!

Tomorrow we see the Oncologist who will outline the chemo plan for treatments. I'll post tomorrow after we know more. Wish me luck that I don't have to have alot! I am nervous just thinking about it.

Thanksgiving was a great day for us. We had a house full of family which made it a very special day. We got a little out of control with picture taking that day so I thought I would post a picture of all of us. I actually put "real clothes" on in honor of having company. Well, if you consider a "Tough Warrier Princess" t-shirt real clothes! Jeff bought me that in the hospital so I had to wear it :)

Thank Goodness, the drains are gone!

Ok, I promise I won't go into detail because it even makes me queasy but...today, the doctor took out the drains that have basically held me hostage since the surgery. I can honestly say that this was one of the worst parts of the whole thing so far. I cannot even begin to describe how much better I look and feel with those things out of my life! I had to wear this cotton vest that was specially made to hold these drainage bulbs in place. I felt like Linda Hamilton in The Terminator with that thing on, except my grenades were drainage bulbs, gross!

Oddly enough, Jeff says he misses them. He was in charge of draining them each morning and night, and charting the results for the doctor. He also had to change my bandages every day. He is a real trooper! He has complained, NOT ONCE about any of these duties that have been thrown at him. We actually have had fun with the whole thing if you can believe it. If you've met my husband, not only do you know what a fantastic person he is, but you also know what a nut he is. He's a drummer and he definitely does beat to a different drum. He makes me laugh so hard during some of these times that I literally have to bend over and hold everything so it doesn't hurt as much when I laugh!

If any of you watch Grey's Anatomy then you are familiar with Dr's McDreamy and McSteamy. I am married to doctor McDrainy :)

As I type this, we are getting a good laugh out of it. Although that could be the narcotics for me, not sure about him. Just kidding, actually I am almost completely off the pain medications. The mornings are the absolute worst time when I feel like I cannot move a bone in my body. My next trick is to really work on the mobility in my arms. It'll be great to be able to pick things up and move my arms over my head again!

Ok, this update got a little long and probably a bit boring! Sorry everyone. Let me end by wishing everyone an absolutely incredible Thanksgiving. I know that we all have a TON to be thankful for but here is my list:

I am extremely thankful for my wonderful husband and beautiful children, my 3 sets of parents and siblings and extended families, my new home in peaceful Pelham, NH, my fantastic job including some of the best colleagues that I have ever had the pleasure of working with, all of my precious friendships here and across the Atlantic, and all of my friends in the Travel Industry that I have had the honor of knowing and working with for over 23 years! I have it all and and I could ask for nothing more. (Ok, one thing - a clean pathology report which should be here any day)

A heartfelt wish for a wonderful Thanksgiving go out to all of you and your families!!

Feeling Stronger every day!

I cannot believe that it's already been 5 days. This whole thing has been such a whirl wind!

I just overheard my mother on the phone talking to my brother telling him that I must be getting stronger because I am ornery as hell today. I had the worst night's sleep last night. Who knew how handy a Craftmatic Adjustable bed would be right now!?

My good friend Sue Malloy just drove up here and lugged (with Jeff's help, of course) a reclining chair up into my house so I could sleep! Now that is love! :)

I'm supposed to be doing arm exercises today so I don't get yelled at by my doctor tomorrow. Easy for him to say, he didn't just have his boobs chopped off! Men! I think all plastic surgeons should be women. That isn't too sexist is it?

I'll eventually get to all my Thank You's but until then, I wanted to thank everyone again for all the beautiful cards, flowers, fruit arrangements, cookies, meals on wheels, etc! I cannot thank you all enough for all the love and support that you have given me and my family.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! I sure have alot to be thankful for!!!

It's me

I'm doing ok. Can't sit up for long cuz the meds kick in. I wanted to say thank you all for being there and giving me all something to read! THINK PINK
Tracy

Home Sweet Home

Andy here. Tracy's home from the hospital today. She's out raking leaves and power-washing the house.

Actually, she's camped out on the couch with Messy the cat - the doctors and nurses say she's doing remarkably well. Thank you for all the posts on the blog, the cards, the flowers, thoughts and prayers.

Hey everyone it's me Frankie again. I visited my mom earlier after her surgery around 6:40 to about 8:00 and she was doing pretty good. She has a very bad pain in her chest and it hurts for her to move. She has got up and walked a few times over the day but it hurts her chest still. Wish her luck that she will recover quickly and get back home to the family because she probably misses us already (had to give myself some credit) lol. Well im very happy that she's doing ok and hope she can come back soon. I love you Mommy!!!!

Hey everybody It's Frankie just updating moms blog since she can't. As everyone already knows, today is her surgery and we all hope she turns out fine. I hope she kicks its @$$! So I got some very good news from Jeff that the doctors found no cancer in her lymph nodes which is very good! I will be updating this everyday until she recovers and can get back to this herself. Good luck to her and we hope for the best. And thank you again to everyone who comments and really shows their love for my mom, I really appreciate it. I love you mom and good luck with everything. -Frankie

Hey it's Frankie, just checking out my moms new blog. Tomorrow is her surgery and I'm hoping everything turns out ok. Thanks for all the supporting comments towards my mom, I really appreciate seeing how everyone really cares about her and hopes for the best. I love my mom so much and hope she can go through everything just fine without any problems. Good luck tomorrow mom I love you so much!

-Frankie :)

This is Jeff and I at his brother Alex's wedding a year ago. We were meant to be together. I'll write that story once I am home from the hospital and all medicated. It will help make it an even sappier story than it already is! But seriously, everything happens for a reason, and he and I were brought together for a very special reason and that is to get through all the tough times while we're young so we can spend a long, wonderful life together when the kids are off at college :) Jeff is my soul mate and my best friend and will also be my best medicine. With him, I can get through anything!!

In short, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in October 2006. Right after my 41st birthday.
My mother is a 2 time Breast Cancer Survivor and she is definitely my inspiration, among many other women that are close to me, that have battled with this disease.

I have always been a firm believer of the saying "Everything happens for a reason".
At this point in time, I cannot figure out what the reason is, but I am sure I will learn eventually.
I'm thinking that this is just another situation that I will go through that will make me a stronger person. If you know me, then you already know that I am strong and determined and I will beat this! With my husband Jeff and all of my family and friends by my side I have no doubt that I will get through this and come out on the other side a much stronger person.

I am scheduled for a bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery on Thursday, November 16th. We'll find out more about my treatments once the surgery is complete.

A good friend of mine gave me this idea of creating a blog to keep people updated as to how I am doing while I am out of work and recouperating from my surgery. So, between my fantastic husband Jeff, and my kids Alyssa and Frankie, we'll keep you all updated!

Feel free to leave me comments and let me know how everyone is doing. It will give me something to read and I think it will be a nice way to keep in touch while I am recovering!

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." ~Winston Churchill