I'm having a tough day today....

My Oncologist called it "processing" as I sat there crying in his office today. He asked me to start from day one and explain the chain of events of how my cancer was discovered. It was very difficult to do this, especially since I was there to learn the details of my treatments and I was already upset and nervous. I'm beginning to think that the surgery was the easiest part of this whole thing. I am trying to stay focused but the thought of the chemo treatments that I am facing are really doing a number on me emotionally. My doctor explained that there was a 30% chance of reoccurring without the chemo. That doesn't leave me with any options other than to do it of course. I will undergo a total of 4 months of treatments. The first 2 months will consist of a series of 2 drugs every other week. The second two months will be one drug every other week. I am really scared and nervous about the fact that I have to have a port placed into my chest so the chemo and all the blood work can be done much easier. If I don't have the port, my veins would look like I was a junkie. I'm not looking forward to any of this. I wouldn't think anyone would really. Sorry that this update isn't more upbeat, but I suppose I am entitled to a bad day every now and then. I do have my positive attitude, and I am thankful that things aren't as bad as they could be. I just needed to have a "moment" to collect my thoughts and really let this all sink in and "process" as my doctor said today. My port will be put in the first week of January (Happy New Year) and chemo will start immediately that week. I was told within a week or so of my first treatment, I can expect to lose all my hair. I better start learning how to tie a doo rag or buy some cool hats. I was also told that I have to give up 30% of the things that use my energy the most. Looks like I'll be hiring a personal cook, cleaning person and driver! Maybe Sandals can loan me one of their butlers for 4 months! Wouldn't that be nice? I just have to stay positive and it will turn out fine, with a cancer free mummy shizzle :). This is Frankie I just thought I'd finish it up a little.