#9 in the books

Last Friday was my 9th treatment and hopefully getting close to being one of my last.

My sister Stephanie and my cousin Jackie flew in for a girl's "Chemo Weekend" and they effed off cancer with me. 

Knocking wood, this was my 3rd consecutive treatment with no barfing and very little nausea. I think I finally have mastered this gallon zip lock bag full of meds along with my MJ to control that. 

Here's a keepsake of our weekend. :)

BEST.NEWS.EVA.

Treatment #8 yesterday.

My doc came up to visit me in my chemo chair to hand deliver the good news that ALL of my tumor/cancer markers are going down at a pretty alarming rate! I was just in there 2 weeks ago and none of my tumors in my bones/spine were responding.  Yesterday's results blew them out of the water.

We are so excited and blessed and I am feeling so lucky.

Thank you to everyone in my corner!

xxoo

Fun's over in Bermuda. Back to the treatments...

Jeff and I had a great time in Bermuda and we were so happy to have my sister Stephanie surprise my brother in law with a trip for his birthday and their 18th anniversary at the same time!

I haven't traveled since just before I was diagnosed so this was a big deal.  I haven't been working and I miss my normal day to day with my incredible colleagues and all of my clients  (many have been friends for years) so it was really great to be able to take a week off from treatment and get back down to Bermuda.

In true fashion and with typical Bermudian hospitality, this is what I arrived to at the Fairmont Southampton:

There were a couple dry eyes but that was most likely just the men and that's questionable!

I will admit that the trip was a bit ambitious on my part but I managed although I paid for it with some pretty intense back pain which kept me in bed for an entire day.

It didn't keep me down for long and we had an incredible time and the turquoise blue ocean and pink sand beach was definitely what the doctor ordered!

Here's how I flew, man, I was NOT taking any chances being held up in a petri dish for all those hours!

Friday the 13th was treatment day and I made it through pretty unscathed! I've had very little nausea and I managed to pull through without my head in a bucket. Woohoo.

Here's my lucky #7 treatment pic. I brought my Fountains of Wayne guys with me for this one. Jeff and I blasted their stuff on my new Harmon Kardon in the beemer on the way up to Mayo. Whoa that stereo is insane!

So the medical update is this: I'm starting Tamoxofin and still contemplating the Lupron shot. I've learned that I only need one 3 month shot in order to shut my ovaries down for good so I stop producing estrogen which when combined with the Tamoxofin, they think my tumors in my spine may begin to respond and start to shrink or maybe even disappear. But, from what I've heard it can only take one shot to ruin your life with long term side effects like intense bone pain, bone loss, headaches, etc. etc. I'm still sleeping on that one. It's kind of like playing Russian Roulette and I'm not sure I wanna take a chance. These life changing decisions aren't very easy to make.

GOOD NEWS! And a little bad but I'm hanging my hat on the GOOD!

On Tuesday I had my chest xray and my chest CT to have a look at how things are going and to assess whether or not the Gemzar chemo I am on, is doing its thing.

Jeff and I sat with the Dr. yesterday for the results and here's the good news: My tumor markers in the blood tests have gone down significantly, yay. AND, the best news evah is that the majority (I'll circle back to this) of my tumors in my lyphnodes in my chest have also significantly gotten smaller! Dr. C said that my largest tumor was 4 centimeters and it's now 4 millimeters! This is all unbelievable news and I'll take it!

There was a little bad news and that is that there are a few stubborn (in true Tracy fashion) tumors that are not responding to the treatment.  The are trying to escape out the back door so Dr. C has to come up with a plan that will continue to work on the tumors that are responding while also tackling these little bastards that are not cooperating.  They've also noted that there is more fluid around my heart (pericardial effusion) so I had another echo cardiogram today that will give more information and determine whether or not I will have to have this fluid drained.

As far as my treatment plan goes, I'm waiting to hear from the Dr. on next steps but the options are:

1. Stay the path with Gemzar and add hormonal therapy (Lupron & Tamoxifen) OR
2. Stay on Gemzar but add another chemo med OR switch completely to another chemo med all together

I am waiting to hear back on what the next steps are.

As for non medical updates,  I was given the green light to go ahead and go to Bermuda with Jeff next week! We couldn't be more excited as we haven't had a vacation this year (if you don't count running around with Big Dipper for the shows this winter) and we could really us a change of scenery for a few days.

Thanks for reading and caring and for continuing to send as many positive thoughts that you can all muster up!

More to come.
xxoo

Treatment #6 behind me

This was another rough week.  My nurse thought we'd try something new to see about taming my nausea and power vomiting on the night of treatment.  We tried this patch that is supposed to be able to keep the side effects at bay for 7 days.  The patch was off by 7pm Tuesday night.  So much for that. One of the side effects of the patch was a migraine. Check, I got that. I thought I'd stick it out to see if maybe the migraine would subside with tylenol and the patch would take over and manage my vomiting. Nope. Didn't do that either. After what seemed like hours of emptying everything in my stomach (which wasn't much to begin with) I proceeded to sleep it off from Tuesday night until around 430pm Wednesday afternoon. I finally got something in my stomach and it's stayed there, thank goodness.  

I've lost a total of 19 pounds since sometime in April. Not the ideal way to lose weight but I'm keeping an eye on it.  I was up for some weight loss before this all started so I'm good there, but I just hope I can stop it when I hit the ideal weight that's healthy for me.

No pics of me effing off cancer this week. They all came out crappy so not worth sharing. 

So here's the update:  I have an off week next week, YAY.  Instead I go for some labs, a chest CT and a chest Xray to see what this chemo is doing to these little bastard cancer cells.  I am going with my gut, but trying to not get my hopes up too much, that this is actually working. When I started this, my pain was about a 7 or 8 on a scale of 1 to 10. I would say at worst, my pain is about a 2 most times of the day. This means something's working! Between the meds and my medical cannabis that I am taking for pain and nausea, everything is working hand in hand to get me to the point of living somewhat of a normal life.  I really want to get my life back soon. Or at least something that resembles what my life was. 

My doctor is adamant about me getting off of chemo as soon as I possibly can.  What does that mean? It means that my results have to be positive AND at some point I am going to have to endure another invasive biopsy to try to see what this cancer is exactly to see if I can switch over to a hormonal treatment orally and not IV chemo. Won't that be nice?  

Here's the rub. My cancer is made up of all sorts of small tumors in all sorts of places as mentioned before: my abdomen, my lung, my spine, my lymph nodes. So the issue is that without one decent sized mass, they are having a hard time getting a sample large enough to tell them what they need to proceed with another type of treatment. I have had 2 inconclusive invasive biopsies for NOTHING! My big question next week is how the heck they plan to get a sample large enough and where will it come from? Stressing me out? You betcha. 

Visitor update:  We just had an amazing time with Jeff's cousin Sharon and her two beautiful little girls. I was so glad they got to get out and about and see some of what Arizona has to offer. I even felt well enough to spend one night up at the Scottsdale Princess last Saturday night and it was a welcome change from our 4 walls.  I am starting to go stir crazy for sure. 

Well, not a very riveting update but just wanted to check in for those that have been asking.

This past week I received some fun books, some wonderful CDs to help calm me, plants for my yard and a hummingbird feeder, an awesome bracelet and today I received an adorable ceramic kitty all the way from Japan! Thanks everyone xoxo

Big thank you's go out to all of our friends and family who have continued to send me all kinds of sweet cards and gifts to cheer me up and keep me going! I love you all and I absolutely could not make it through this without all the love and support. 

Nothing but positive

I havent updated in a while.  Since I am thriving off of everyone's positive mojo and good vibes, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer to counteract it all!
I'll post some of the fun and exciting stuff that's going on and I'll leave the yucky stuff for inside these 4 walls.  Just because I have to deal with it doesn't mean you have to too!

• Frankie came out for a nice visit to look after his "Ma Dukes" while I went through treatment #3. It wasn't super fun for him one day but overall we had an ok week of side effects. I just got to have a little one on one with Lyssa a couple weeks ago so I feel very blessed that I was able to spend some time with each of my kids
• This past week was another week of oodles of well wishes in the form of cards, flowers and chemo care packages. What fun! Here's just a glimpse of some of the fun things that showed up on my doorstep: 

Thank you so much Anne for the care package and while I couldn't be there live to see Mike Viola. you sent him to me the best way you could've!! Thank you so much, this makes me very happy! (poor Jeff, I promise I won't ring the bell too much)

Jamie and Jess, thank you so much! Mystery solved and I love it!!! And yes, it does get cool enough in the Valley to wear sweatshirts out here and you will see this on me! Thank you, thank you, thank you! xxoo

• NO TREATMENT THIS WEEK! Yeah!! This is my "off" week

• Um, and last but not least, I leased a 2013 BMW 335Ci OH MY GOD what was I thinking? Oh yeah, I know, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!!!  (and all those other cliches)

So my vision is of Maizy Daizy and Remo's little ears flapping in the wind this fall as we road trip to Cali. LOL.  Can you see it now? 

Tomorrow I have an actual appointment with my Doctor and I think another chest xray to see how things are going.  I'll update once I have something worth posting. 

I have 2 very good friends coming back to back, one from Bermuda tomorrow and the other from Boston next week.  I'm hoping I have at least 1 adventure to blog about :)

Thanks everyone, for your continued support and love and positive energy. 

TKO365 (knocking out cancer, 365 days a year)

Chemo Treatment #2

This week will be different. I am saying this because it HAS to be. I certainly cannot go through another week like this last one.

We talked to my nurse about my side effects and we made a bunch of changes to what I am taking.  They are even looking into the option of approving me for a medical marijuana card to try to get me off some of these horrible synthetic drugs they keep pumping into my system.
**Stayed tuned for some very interesting posts soon LOL

The first night is always the easiest so I am basically bracing myself for what can come over the next couple of days.  Positive thoughts everyone. All at the same time, and maybe it will help!

As for visitors, my friend's Beth and Shelley who were here this weekend looking after me, went home Sunday and Monday. What a weekend it was.  They cooked their butts off and left behind a fridge full of good stuff for when Jeff got back from Boston.  Here they are below - hard at work.  They are 2 of the most amazing women I know in a long list of amazing women I know! I am blessed.

And finally, we have not see rain since March and guess what? We just got our first rain storm in months!

See, it does rain in Arizona :)
What would have been your first clue?

Feeling cocky but Chemo #1 kicked my butt

Chemo #1 Update

The chemo infusion on Tuesday went really well.  My nurse Karen was a doll and man, does she know her way around a power port! I didn't feel a thing when that needle went in. My EMLA trick of numbing it first along with their instant freeze spray stuff is the

I'm told that the good news is that I wouldn't have much nausea, my hair most likely won't fall out this time and I should be able to manage this stuff fairly well.  That'd be great but I didn't handle the nausea & vomiting well and in fact I had a horrible Day #2 and I can't tell you that I ate that day. In fact, Remo is on a hunger strike himself and told my friend Beth who is here looking after me, that he isn't eating until I do.

Day #3 was pretty crappy too except that was due to excruciating pain and trying to manage all my pain meds. I also had a fever which I was told to watch out for and between that and the drugs I was fairly comatose for most of yesterday and honestly, I can't believe I am even sitting up typing this after how I looked/felt the past couple of days. Remo is still on his Hunger Strike.

Last night was something out of a comedy movie for sure. Poor Beth comes out to look after me and she ends up doing a Mexican Hat dance to kill crickets that have decided to take over our furnace closet! This all happened at 11:30 last night.

Facebook friends, email friends, words w/friends and phone friends - please don't take offense if you are not getting replies. I can barely even concentrate on what I am reading or hearing never mind trying to write back or even make a phone call back. Just know that I love you all and I appreciate how much you care and want to hear about how I am doing.

Please just keep sending your positive thoughts, karma and well wishes my way.
XXOO
Tracy

2013....4 years since my last post

Update:

The kids are still living in North Carolina and working and going to school, and I miss them dearly, Jeff & I are closing on our NH house the end of this month, and we're living in Scottsdale Arizona and loving it. Jeff's transferred to the Phoenix Biltmore office of MFS and I was fortunate enough to take my Fairmont Bermuda Sales position with me out here. We drove cross country with Maizy Daizy and Fishstick and just rescued a little 6 year old pug named Remo. We've met some wonderful friends here, the sun shines EVERY day and Life couldn't be better.

Until......

June 11th I ended up in Mayo Clinic Hospital in Phoenix. Long, long story short, after a few months of just not feeling right, I was diagnosed by the good doctors at Mayo with a breast cancer reoccurrence. After weeks of xrays, CT scans, bone biopsy, PET scan and oodles of blood tests, it's been determined. My cancer IS back and the little bastard C. Cells have invaded my bones, lung, nodes and abdomen. WTF. I've been living in remission since April 2007 and have been tested as best science knows how to  give me the "clean bill of health" every year since then. BULLSHIT. There's no way this came on in the last year. But whatever, not a lot I can do now but surround myself with positive family & friends. pray, stay positive and do what my oncologist suggests I do to get this Stage IV, metastases under control so I can go back to living as normal a life as I possibly can. They say people live decades. I'm going to be one of those people. I'm not done here yet! FUCK CANCER people. Really, just FUCK CANCER.

Wow, it's really been over a year since I have posted here.

A lot has happened in this past year.

Jeff's company closed his sales desk in Boston and he had to look for and found a great new job even in this tough economy, I was offered the job of a lifetime and what many know is my "dream job" as the Director of Leisure Sales for Fairmont Hamilton Princess and Fairmont Southampton, my 2 favorite hotels in Bermuda, Alyssa graduated high school and now lives in North Carolina as a freshman at East Carolina University with plans of becoming an Occupational Therapist, Frankie is still home with us plugging away at high school, and I lost my mother to breast cancer 3 months ago. Cancer sucks and I am still trying to get over the pain of the loss of such an incredible mom. She was on her 3rd round in her 20+ years of battling this shitty disease. This time it got the best of her but damn, she put up a good fight. She was an amazing woman and I owe a lot of my life's successes to her. I miss her a ton, every single day.

My best news of the year is that I have just been given another clean bill of health. I still visit my awesome oncologist, Dr. Hammond every 6 months and he gives me the good news. I always get anxious and scared leading up to my visit but I have been lucky to walk away with a huge sigh of relief for another 6 months. Amen.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I don't think I have to tell anyone this fact as there are enough pink ribbons to do that for me! Ladies, PLEASE take the time to make that overdue mammogram appointment, do that self breast exam, or whatever it takes. Breast cancer does not discriminate. It doesn't matter how old you are or if you've had a family history - breast cancer happens to the best of us and most times when you least expect it. I am not trying to scare anyone, I'm just being realistic. Please don't put it off. Use October as your reminder to help create awareness and to also get checked yourselves.
The end of this month will mark my 2 year "Cancerversary"and I will be celebrating another year all month long!!!

Got this quote from my sister in law today.....

“I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show or any good things I can do to fellow human beings, let me do it now, and not delay or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.”

- William Penn

Today is a new day......

I'm feeling energized, motivated and healthy!!!!

Never, never, never give up. ~Winston Churchill

"I slip back many times, I fall, I stand still, I run against the edge of hidden obstacles, I lose my temper and find it again and keep it better, I trudge on, I gain a little, I feel encouraged, I get more eager and climb higher and begin to see the widening horizon. Every struggle is a victory. One more effort and I reach the luminous cloud, the blue depths of the sky, the uplands of my desire." - Helen Keller in "The Story of My Life"

Big Dipper at the Middle East April 26, 2008

What can I say? It was unbelievable!! I never had the pleasure of seeing the band together back in the day, but after 18 years they rocked like no tomorrow. They were absolutely incredible and people are still blogging about it! Jeff's an amazing drummer and it was fun to have the family all there to see him play. The kids were blown away! We were all so proud :)

Overdue Update!

Wow - last post was the beginning of the new year. It's crazy how much time has passed already. Things are great - I started a new job back in November which I love, the kids are doing great in school, Jeff and his band BIG DIPPER are getting back on the road next month for a few reunion shows in NY/NJ and Cambridge! It's pretty cool that after 18 years, they are still in demand! The Phoenix just published a great article in the Arts & Music section last week, they had an interview with The Noise just the other day, and the shows are coming right up at the end of April. If you want to check them out here in Cambridge, they will be at the Middle East on Saturday, April 26th. Tickets are on sale now at Ticketmaster. We'd love to see you out - it's gonna be a fun night! Oh, and on March 18th, 2008, Merge Records will be releasing Supercluster: The Big Dipper Anthology. Get one while you can!

Anyway - this was supposed to be about me but that's really just too boring if you ask me. There's been a few people asking me to post a hair update. I'll do that soon. As I expected, my hair is coming back in just as thick and ornery as it was when it fell out! I was looking for the silver lining in the whole hair loss thing, hoping it would come in thinner and not as course, no such luck. Oh well, I suppose I should be grateful that I have a head of hair!

I'll take some pictures soon and post them another time.

In the meantime, THINK PINK and stay healthy!!!

Happy New Year to all!

Things are going very well. I started a new job at the end of November and Jeff and I have been commuting every day into Boston. It's been fun. Especially that 5 hour drive back to New Hampshire during that historical day of the storm!

The holidays are over, I'm feeling great and life couldn't be better!

A year later!!!

I cannot believe that it all started just a little over a year ago.

It's amazing to think that this same time last year it was just a day after my surgery and I was scared to death at what I was about to go through. I cannot get over how fast time really goes by. I can say that now.

Now here I am, feeling great, enjoying each and every day. I am so grateful for my family, my friends - I am very lucky.

That's all.

Think Pink!

From the pages of the Salem Observer in New Hampshire - Frankie gets involved with his fellow Future Business Leaders of America group at Pelham High School:

Thinking pink to fight cancer

BY DARRELL HALEN

The sales of pink bracelets and freshly baked cookies during a school fundraiser may not bring in a lot of money, but for Taryn Kayo it’s a way to support the fight against Breast Cancer – a disease that struck her grandmother nine years ago.

“It’s a serious issue for me,” said Taryn, 16, a member of the Future Business Leaders of America chapter at Pelham High School. “I want people to understand it’s a serious thing.”

During lunch periods in the school cafeteria on Tuesday, Oct. 9, and Thursday, Oct. 11, FBLA members are selling chocolate cookies with pink candy-coated pieces for 50 cents each, and pink bracelets for $1 each.

The FBLA chapter sells chocolate chip cookies yearlong to support club activities. But this two-day special fundraiser is part of a program by Otis Spunkmeyer, the chapter’s cookie dough supplier, to support the National *** Cancer Foundation.

“It makes me feel like I’m doing my part,” said Taryn, who is co-chairing the fundraiser with fellow junior Ellisse Goss.

When the company asked business teacher Wendy Dorval, the chapter’s adviser, if the club wanted to get involved in its pink cookies fundraising program, she took the idea to the students.

She was pleasantly surprised when they embraced it.

“I thought the club wouldn’t be interested,” Dorval said. “It’s an older person’s issue and these are teenagers. In reality, they are all affected because of their extended families.”

Like Catherine Byron, an 18-year-old senior, whose grandmother has Breast Cancer and whose former color guard coach was diagnosed with it, too.

And freshman Frank Santangelo, 14, whose mother was diagnosed last year. She went through chemotherapy, temporarily lost her hair and is now cancer-free, he said.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The students are selling their goods at tables covered with pink table covers. Cookies are served on pink napkins.

“I’m hoping people will think pink and know this is serious,” Byron said.

The bracelets each feature one of four inspirational words: Faith. Hope. Strength. Survivor.

Students who purchase a cookie or bracelet receive a free pink ribbon.