As I write this we are 35,000 feet in the air on our flight back to Boston for the holidays. There's nothing like family to celebrate the season with and especially after the summer we had, dealing with the treatments of my second breast cancer diagnosis.

At our last Doctor appointment at the beginning of November, we learned from my PET scan results that my cancer has responded really well to my treatments. This includes the chemo, hormonal and CBD pills and the concentrated oils program I've been on. We believe that all have worked together to get me to this point. As Dr. C said, my results were dramatic! All great news and it meant that I would finish up my last 3 treatments and my 15th and last treatment was on November 29th.

It's a little scary to be done actually. As odd as it sounds, I'm happy to have my power port still and I call it my lifeline to the Mayo and with it, I feel like I won't be forgotten about! It's a scary thing to be cast out on my own after spending the last 6 months under a watchful eye every week.

What's next? Well I'm back to work. I started back the Monday after my last treatment.  So far so good. I've even already taken my first business trip since being back. I spent a few days in our NY office for a team meeting and holiday dinner with our GMs and our Regional Director. It was so nice to be back at it and was so great to see all of my colleagues who have wished me well for all of these months.

Right after the holidays I'm having another PET scan and a series of labs to see where I am now that I've finished chemo. I'm very anxious to see the results.

I'm feeling fairly well. My fatigue has gotten much better but my hot flashes and night drenchings haven't let up. I'm taking a medication that was prescribed to me "off label" to help with the hot flashes. It has helped a little bit but I'm still not loving this quality of life. I'm trying another med that is also supposed to help so fingers crossed it works.

In the meantime, we're looking forward to a great trip back to Boston! Everything will be put on hold while we enjoy our family and friends and put cancer behind us for a bit!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!!
Xxxooo
Tracy

Tamoxifen is a sick joke!

It was decided that Tamoxifen would be the best thing for me to take in addition to the chemo to try to tackle the spine tumors where the chemo wasn't doing the full trick.   I've been on this evil crap for just about a month now and I have to say, I spoke to soon 2 weeks ago when I said that other than a couple more hot flashes than I was already having, it really wasn't so bad.

That was a big fat lie and the full side effects have taken over and I have resorted to sleeping on a beach towel draped from my pillow to my feet to sop up the sweat. Sounds delightful doesn't it? I'm not so sure how I am supposed to live my life like this for the next 5 years! I think I would rather have a tooth pulled with no Novocain.

Other than having to deal with the new side effects of this crap, I'm fairing much better after my chemo treatments which is a blessing. Because of the medical MJ and having come up with a routine each week, the nausea and the vomiting are finally at bay.  It took a while to work out the whole dosing situation and knowing what worked but I'm so grateful that I am able to have the alternative to all of the synthetic drugs that the doctors prescribe hand over fist.

I am happy to report that I am down to barely any pain medication and I'm basically taking a combination of synthetic anti-nausea meds along with my medical MJ which naturally takes the place of many of the others.

I just finished #11 last week and I have another treatment scheduled next Thursday. For November, I will start the month with another PET scan (I haven't had one since June when I was first diagnosed) so we're hoping that the tumors have all either shrunk or have been annihilated enough so that there is "No Evidence of Disease" or in our cancer world NED. Once I am declared NED, then I can stop the chemo and go on maintenance mode and pray the cancer doesn't return anytime soon. I read someone's blog who is also living with Stage IV metastatic breast cancer and she described the cancer as a quiet tenant in her body.  As long as the tenant remained quiet then that was fine, for now. It's how we want it to be so we can live the new normal life with cancer.

Having so much fun I forgot #10!

Clearly I'm joking but I did forget to post my usual chemo picture for #10.

#9 in the books

Last Friday was my 9th treatment and hopefully getting close to being one of my last.

My sister Stephanie and my cousin Jackie flew in for a girl's "Chemo Weekend" and they effed off cancer with me. 

Knocking wood, this was my 3rd consecutive treatment with no barfing and very little nausea. I think I finally have mastered this gallon zip lock bag full of meds along with my MJ to control that. 

Here's a keepsake of our weekend. :)

BEST.NEWS.EVA.

Treatment #8 yesterday.

My doc came up to visit me in my chemo chair to hand deliver the good news that ALL of my tumor/cancer markers are going down at a pretty alarming rate! I was just in there 2 weeks ago and none of my tumors in my bones/spine were responding.  Yesterday's results blew them out of the water.

We are so excited and blessed and I am feeling so lucky.

Thank you to everyone in my corner!

xxoo

Fun's over in Bermuda. Back to the treatments...

Jeff and I had a great time in Bermuda and we were so happy to have my sister Stephanie surprise my brother in law with a trip for his birthday and their 18th anniversary at the same time!

I haven't traveled since just before I was diagnosed so this was a big deal.  I haven't been working and I miss my normal day to day with my incredible colleagues and all of my clients  (many have been friends for years) so it was really great to be able to take a week off from treatment and get back down to Bermuda.

In true fashion and with typical Bermudian hospitality, this is what I arrived to at the Fairmont Southampton:

There were a couple dry eyes but that was most likely just the men and that's questionable!

I will admit that the trip was a bit ambitious on my part but I managed although I paid for it with some pretty intense back pain which kept me in bed for an entire day.

It didn't keep me down for long and we had an incredible time and the turquoise blue ocean and pink sand beach was definitely what the doctor ordered!

Here's how I flew, man, I was NOT taking any chances being held up in a petri dish for all those hours!

Friday the 13th was treatment day and I made it through pretty unscathed! I've had very little nausea and I managed to pull through without my head in a bucket. Woohoo.

Here's my lucky #7 treatment pic. I brought my Fountains of Wayne guys with me for this one. Jeff and I blasted their stuff on my new Harmon Kardon in the beemer on the way up to Mayo. Whoa that stereo is insane!

So the medical update is this: I'm starting Tamoxofin and still contemplating the Lupron shot. I've learned that I only need one 3 month shot in order to shut my ovaries down for good so I stop producing estrogen which when combined with the Tamoxofin, they think my tumors in my spine may begin to respond and start to shrink or maybe even disappear. But, from what I've heard it can only take one shot to ruin your life with long term side effects like intense bone pain, bone loss, headaches, etc. etc. I'm still sleeping on that one. It's kind of like playing Russian Roulette and I'm not sure I wanna take a chance. These life changing decisions aren't very easy to make.

GOOD NEWS! And a little bad but I'm hanging my hat on the GOOD!

On Tuesday I had my chest xray and my chest CT to have a look at how things are going and to assess whether or not the Gemzar chemo I am on, is doing its thing.

Jeff and I sat with the Dr. yesterday for the results and here's the good news: My tumor markers in the blood tests have gone down significantly, yay. AND, the best news evah is that the majority (I'll circle back to this) of my tumors in my lyphnodes in my chest have also significantly gotten smaller! Dr. C said that my largest tumor was 4 centimeters and it's now 4 millimeters! This is all unbelievable news and I'll take it!

There was a little bad news and that is that there are a few stubborn (in true Tracy fashion) tumors that are not responding to the treatment.  The are trying to escape out the back door so Dr. C has to come up with a plan that will continue to work on the tumors that are responding while also tackling these little bastards that are not cooperating.  They've also noted that there is more fluid around my heart (pericardial effusion) so I had another echo cardiogram today that will give more information and determine whether or not I will have to have this fluid drained.

As far as my treatment plan goes, I'm waiting to hear from the Dr. on next steps but the options are:

1. Stay the path with Gemzar and add hormonal therapy (Lupron & Tamoxifen) OR
2. Stay on Gemzar but add another chemo med OR switch completely to another chemo med all together

I am waiting to hear back on what the next steps are.

As for non medical updates,  I was given the green light to go ahead and go to Bermuda with Jeff next week! We couldn't be more excited as we haven't had a vacation this year (if you don't count running around with Big Dipper for the shows this winter) and we could really us a change of scenery for a few days.

Thanks for reading and caring and for continuing to send as many positive thoughts that you can all muster up!

More to come.
xxoo

Treatment #6 behind me

This was another rough week.  My nurse thought we'd try something new to see about taming my nausea and power vomiting on the night of treatment.  We tried this patch that is supposed to be able to keep the side effects at bay for 7 days.  The patch was off by 7pm Tuesday night.  So much for that. One of the side effects of the patch was a migraine. Check, I got that. I thought I'd stick it out to see if maybe the migraine would subside with tylenol and the patch would take over and manage my vomiting. Nope. Didn't do that either. After what seemed like hours of emptying everything in my stomach (which wasn't much to begin with) I proceeded to sleep it off from Tuesday night until around 430pm Wednesday afternoon. I finally got something in my stomach and it's stayed there, thank goodness.  

I've lost a total of 19 pounds since sometime in April. Not the ideal way to lose weight but I'm keeping an eye on it.  I was up for some weight loss before this all started so I'm good there, but I just hope I can stop it when I hit the ideal weight that's healthy for me.

No pics of me effing off cancer this week. They all came out crappy so not worth sharing. 

So here's the update:  I have an off week next week, YAY.  Instead I go for some labs, a chest CT and a chest Xray to see what this chemo is doing to these little bastard cancer cells.  I am going with my gut, but trying to not get my hopes up too much, that this is actually working. When I started this, my pain was about a 7 or 8 on a scale of 1 to 10. I would say at worst, my pain is about a 2 most times of the day. This means something's working! Between the meds and my medical cannabis that I am taking for pain and nausea, everything is working hand in hand to get me to the point of living somewhat of a normal life.  I really want to get my life back soon. Or at least something that resembles what my life was. 

My doctor is adamant about me getting off of chemo as soon as I possibly can.  What does that mean? It means that my results have to be positive AND at some point I am going to have to endure another invasive biopsy to try to see what this cancer is exactly to see if I can switch over to a hormonal treatment orally and not IV chemo. Won't that be nice?  

Here's the rub. My cancer is made up of all sorts of small tumors in all sorts of places as mentioned before: my abdomen, my lung, my spine, my lymph nodes. So the issue is that without one decent sized mass, they are having a hard time getting a sample large enough to tell them what they need to proceed with another type of treatment. I have had 2 inconclusive invasive biopsies for NOTHING! My big question next week is how the heck they plan to get a sample large enough and where will it come from? Stressing me out? You betcha. 

Visitor update:  We just had an amazing time with Jeff's cousin Sharon and her two beautiful little girls. I was so glad they got to get out and about and see some of what Arizona has to offer. I even felt well enough to spend one night up at the Scottsdale Princess last Saturday night and it was a welcome change from our 4 walls.  I am starting to go stir crazy for sure. 

Well, not a very riveting update but just wanted to check in for those that have been asking.

This past week I received some fun books, some wonderful CDs to help calm me, plants for my yard and a hummingbird feeder, an awesome bracelet and today I received an adorable ceramic kitty all the way from Japan! Thanks everyone xoxo

Big thank you's go out to all of our friends and family who have continued to send me all kinds of sweet cards and gifts to cheer me up and keep me going! I love you all and I absolutely could not make it through this without all the love and support. 

Nothing but positive

I havent updated in a while.  Since I am thriving off of everyone's positive mojo and good vibes, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer to counteract it all!
I'll post some of the fun and exciting stuff that's going on and I'll leave the yucky stuff for inside these 4 walls.  Just because I have to deal with it doesn't mean you have to too!

• Frankie came out for a nice visit to look after his "Ma Dukes" while I went through treatment #3. It wasn't super fun for him one day but overall we had an ok week of side effects. I just got to have a little one on one with Lyssa a couple weeks ago so I feel very blessed that I was able to spend some time with each of my kids
• This past week was another week of oodles of well wishes in the form of cards, flowers and chemo care packages. What fun! Here's just a glimpse of some of the fun things that showed up on my doorstep: 

Thank you so much Anne for the care package and while I couldn't be there live to see Mike Viola. you sent him to me the best way you could've!! Thank you so much, this makes me very happy! (poor Jeff, I promise I won't ring the bell too much)

Jamie and Jess, thank you so much! Mystery solved and I love it!!! And yes, it does get cool enough in the Valley to wear sweatshirts out here and you will see this on me! Thank you, thank you, thank you! xxoo

• NO TREATMENT THIS WEEK! Yeah!! This is my "off" week

• Um, and last but not least, I leased a 2013 BMW 335Ci OH MY GOD what was I thinking? Oh yeah, I know, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!!!  (and all those other cliches)

So my vision is of Maizy Daizy and Remo's little ears flapping in the wind this fall as we road trip to Cali. LOL.  Can you see it now? 

Tomorrow I have an actual appointment with my Doctor and I think another chest xray to see how things are going.  I'll update once I have something worth posting. 

I have 2 very good friends coming back to back, one from Bermuda tomorrow and the other from Boston next week.  I'm hoping I have at least 1 adventure to blog about :)

Thanks everyone, for your continued support and love and positive energy. 

TKO365 (knocking out cancer, 365 days a year)

Chemo Treatment #2

This week will be different. I am saying this because it HAS to be. I certainly cannot go through another week like this last one.

We talked to my nurse about my side effects and we made a bunch of changes to what I am taking.  They are even looking into the option of approving me for a medical marijuana card to try to get me off some of these horrible synthetic drugs they keep pumping into my system.
**Stayed tuned for some very interesting posts soon LOL

The first night is always the easiest so I am basically bracing myself for what can come over the next couple of days.  Positive thoughts everyone. All at the same time, and maybe it will help!

As for visitors, my friend's Beth and Shelley who were here this weekend looking after me, went home Sunday and Monday. What a weekend it was.  They cooked their butts off and left behind a fridge full of good stuff for when Jeff got back from Boston.  Here they are below - hard at work.  They are 2 of the most amazing women I know in a long list of amazing women I know! I am blessed.

And finally, we have not see rain since March and guess what? We just got our first rain storm in months!

See, it does rain in Arizona :)
What would have been your first clue?

Feeling cocky but Chemo #1 kicked my butt

Chemo #1 Update

The chemo infusion on Tuesday went really well.  My nurse Karen was a doll and man, does she know her way around a power port! I didn't feel a thing when that needle went in. My EMLA trick of numbing it first along with their instant freeze spray stuff is the

I'm told that the good news is that I wouldn't have much nausea, my hair most likely won't fall out this time and I should be able to manage this stuff fairly well.  That'd be great but I didn't handle the nausea & vomiting well and in fact I had a horrible Day #2 and I can't tell you that I ate that day. In fact, Remo is on a hunger strike himself and told my friend Beth who is here looking after me, that he isn't eating until I do.

Day #3 was pretty crappy too except that was due to excruciating pain and trying to manage all my pain meds. I also had a fever which I was told to watch out for and between that and the drugs I was fairly comatose for most of yesterday and honestly, I can't believe I am even sitting up typing this after how I looked/felt the past couple of days. Remo is still on his Hunger Strike.

Last night was something out of a comedy movie for sure. Poor Beth comes out to look after me and she ends up doing a Mexican Hat dance to kill crickets that have decided to take over our furnace closet! This all happened at 11:30 last night.

Facebook friends, email friends, words w/friends and phone friends - please don't take offense if you are not getting replies. I can barely even concentrate on what I am reading or hearing never mind trying to write back or even make a phone call back. Just know that I love you all and I appreciate how much you care and want to hear about how I am doing.

Please just keep sending your positive thoughts, karma and well wishes my way.
XXOO
Tracy

2013....4 years since my last post

Update:

The kids are still living in North Carolina and working and going to school, and I miss them dearly, Jeff & I are closing on our NH house the end of this month, and we're living in Scottsdale Arizona and loving it. Jeff's transferred to the Phoenix Biltmore office of MFS and I was fortunate enough to take my Fairmont Bermuda Sales position with me out here. We drove cross country with Maizy Daizy and Fishstick and just rescued a little 6 year old pug named Remo. We've met some wonderful friends here, the sun shines EVERY day and Life couldn't be better.

Until......

June 11th I ended up in Mayo Clinic Hospital in Phoenix. Long, long story short, after a few months of just not feeling right, I was diagnosed by the good doctors at Mayo with a breast cancer reoccurrence. After weeks of xrays, CT scans, bone biopsy, PET scan and oodles of blood tests, it's been determined. My cancer IS back and the little bastard C. Cells have invaded my bones, lung, nodes and abdomen. WTF. I've been living in remission since April 2007 and have been tested as best science knows how to  give me the "clean bill of health" every year since then. BULLSHIT. There's no way this came on in the last year. But whatever, not a lot I can do now but surround myself with positive family & friends. pray, stay positive and do what my oncologist suggests I do to get this Stage IV, metastases under control so I can go back to living as normal a life as I possibly can. They say people live decades. I'm going to be one of those people. I'm not done here yet! FUCK CANCER people. Really, just FUCK CANCER.