I'm having a tough day today....
My Oncologist called it "processing" as I sat there crying in his office today. He asked me to start from day one and explain the chain of events of how my cancer was discovered. It was very difficult to do this, especially since I was there to learn the details of my treatments and I was already upset and nervous. I'm beginning to think that the surgery was the easiest part of this whole thing. I am trying to stay focused but the thought of the chemo treatments that I am facing are really doing a number on me emotionally. My doctor explained that there was a 30% chance of reoccurring without the chemo. That doesn't leave me with any options other than to do it of course. I will undergo a total of 4 months of treatments. The first 2 months will consist of a series of 2 drugs every other week. The second two months will be one drug every other week. I am really scared and nervous about the fact that I have to have a port placed into my chest so the chemo and all the blood work can be done much easier. If I don't have the port, my veins would look like I was a junkie. I'm not looking forward to any of this. I wouldn't think anyone would really. Sorry that this update isn't more upbeat, but I suppose I am entitled to a bad day every now and then. I do have my positive attitude, and I am thankful that things aren't as bad as they could be. I just needed to have a "moment" to collect my thoughts and really let this all sink in and "process" as my doctor said today. My port will be put in the first week of January (Happy New Year) and chemo will start immediately that week. I was told within a week or so of my first treatment, I can expect to lose all my hair. I better start learning how to tie a doo rag or buy some cool hats. I was also told that I have to give up 30% of the things that use my energy the most. Looks like I'll be hiring a personal cook, cleaning person and driver! Maybe Sandals can loan me one of their butlers for 4 months! Wouldn't that be nice? I just have to stay positive and it will turn out fine, with a cancer free mummy shizzle :). This is Frankie I just thought I'd finish it up a little.
8 comments:
Tracy
I wanted to write you a quick note to let you know I was thinking of you. You and your family look great in your Thanksgiving Day picture. I had to laugh out loud when you referred to Jeff as Doctor McDrainy. When things get rough like they did yesterday - think back to the day you & Jeff were laughing so hard- that you were bent over. Keep that attitude! If you want to talk - I am at the same number.
Arianne
Hi Tracy,
I wanted to let you know I have been thinking of you everyday, especially when I look at my wrist and see the pink bracelet that I haven't taken off since I got it. You are a very strong person and please know that you will get through this and come out even stronger!! I am also happy to see what a supportive family you have and please know that everyone here at TNT cares about you very much and misses you.
Yes, you are entitled to have a bad day now and then and if you want to chat please give me a call - you know I can make you laugh.
Nick T
Well, Trace, I think that the answer to your energy preservation quandry is obvious - you are going to have to give up HOUSEWORK!!!! And, you will probably have to forgo bench presses and push ups for the time being.
All I can say is that I am truly sorry that the "chlorination process" is going to take so long. Damn that dog for crappin' in the pool!!!!!
It seems only fitting that I end this post with a serenade of a song by James Taylor...
When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Youve got a friend.
If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
Theyll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
I love you alwyas,
Uncle Jackie
First off, I want to say that my prayers and thoughts are with you. I know this is a very difficult time in your life right now. But you WILL make it through fine ! You know how I know this ?
I went through this exact same situation with my mother. 5 years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Our entire family was devasted. I was a complete wreck.
But to make a long story short Tracy, she made it through. And so will you ! 5 years later, my mother is a healthy very active woman. The worst thing that she still has to do is take a pill once a day. But I have my mom and your family will have you for a very long time too ! Personally, I beleive the secret to beating this keeping your head up, lots of support from your friends and family .. and laughter. Yes, laughter ! I know it can be tough to laugh at a time like this, but I beleive laughter is a great medicine ! I'll be thinking of you and you have my prayers and if you need me for anything, you know where to find me =)
Love,
Joe
Tracy,
I'm thinking of and praying for you. My heart aches with all that you are going through. I'm so sorry to hear about the chemo, but 4 months will go by quickly. It is but a blink.
I saw Sue Gearon a few weeks ago. Aside from you, I always thought she had the most gorgeous hair. She looked even more beautiful than ever, as I know you will. Your inner beauty is what shines the brightest :)
I had something really interesting happen tonight. While I was reading the comments on your blog I was watching the tribute to James Taylor on PBS. At the exact time that I was reading Uncle Jackie's comment about what was fitting to end his post, Carole King started to say that she couldn't think of a more fitting song to sing, and she started to sign "you've got a friend" at the exact time that I read the lyrics. Anyways, I hope you know that! If there is anything I can do for you, Jeff or the kids, just call!
I love you,
Caroline
Tracy,
I just wanted you to know that crying is a great release of fear and anxiety. I know I always feel more at peace after a good cry! You don't always have to "stay strong", you are entitiled to your feelings! OK, enough of the psychotherapy......
Maybe you should ask for a maid for Christmas!
I am thinking of you and wish you the best.
Love,
Katie
Sorry this took so long Tracy, I really had no idea what was going on and today Jodi P in Worcester told me, and showed me this which I did not know about...This is my first time ever doing anything on a blog but for you sweetheart, I'll try anything...I am so glad the op. is behind you and you can move on from here. I wish I had known before and could have offered more support. I know you will beat this and come back stronger than ever...Your T' day picture was great and its uphill from here...Let me know when I (maybe a few of us) can come for a visit to cheer you on, Love, Julie
Tracy,
Sometimes you have to go through tough times to get to the amazing times. It's perfectly normal to have nervs and fears. Please don't feel bad if you are not always chipper. Your family and friends are here for you every step of the way. You are so lucky that you went for your yearly check up.
Hang in there.
xoxo
Jen S.
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