Chemobrain - It really is REAL!
I know that I have blamed my memory loss or loss for words in the middle of a sentence, to many of my family, friends and co-workers, on something called chemobrain. Well, I want you to know that I didn't make it up. It really does exist and I was not a believer until it started happening to me. I thought I would share with you what one person describes it to be:
"Patients who receive treatment for cancer often experience a range of side-effects, including loss of concentration, memory problems, and the inability to organize daily activities—commonly referred to as chemobrain."
See, I'm not really just "losing it", I will eventually get my crisp, clear, brain back as soon as I have completed chemo.
Which brings me to my second reason for posting.....I've had a very slight bump in the road, and I have to postpone my chemo treatments so I can deal with an awful dental issue. Instead of having chemo tomorrow, I will be enjoying myself at the dentist, getting a root canal. Ick.
But, the good news is, I should still be able to keep my next appt. on March 15th which will only set me back 2 weeks. I can live with that. But I cannot live with the pain that I have been for over 2 weeks.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Finally able to post!
I have had a really hard time even thinking about posting on this blog. It's so hard to even think about cancer and chemo treatments these days without getting nauseous! Every time I go online and see any kind of cancer drug ad or anything related, I get so sick to my stomach. My body is just so loaded with toxins now that the mere association makes me ill.
This last treatment really got me, worse than #3. Everything that my Oncologist told me at my very first appointment is all really making sense to me. Like clockwork, my body is giving in to the cumulative treatments. I was told to watch out from #3 and #4. It took me a week to come back from #3 and #4 was worse. I tried so hard to do that mind over matter thing this past week but it just didn't work. Once I realized that, then I really gave in and listened to my body. I finally did what I was supposed to do and that was to give in to my pain, my fatigue and my inability to do much more than lie in bed.
I started working 2 days from home last week and I had to do it in my pj's in my bed. But ya know what? I got things done and boy did it wear me out! One day I took at 3 hour nap and the next was 4 1/2 hours. I guess I just didn't realize how little energy I have and I try to push it. That's just me. I've always pushed the envelope when it comes to myself and my health. But, being a Mom, a wife and working full time doesn't allow you to worry about yourself. I'm sure there are lots of Mom's who can relate. I can tell you that after living with this illness for 4 months now, from now on I will listen to my body and take care of me! We only get one shot at life so we have to live it feeling GOOD!
I have had a really hard time even thinking about posting on this blog. It's so hard to even think about cancer and chemo treatments these days without getting nauseous! Every time I go online and see any kind of cancer drug ad or anything related, I get so sick to my stomach. My body is just so loaded with toxins now that the mere association makes me ill.
This last treatment really got me, worse than #3. Everything that my Oncologist told me at my very first appointment is all really making sense to me. Like clockwork, my body is giving in to the cumulative treatments. I was told to watch out from #3 and #4. It took me a week to come back from #3 and #4 was worse. I tried so hard to do that mind over matter thing this past week but it just didn't work. Once I realized that, then I really gave in and listened to my body. I finally did what I was supposed to do and that was to give in to my pain, my fatigue and my inability to do much more than lie in bed.
I started working 2 days from home last week and I had to do it in my pj's in my bed. But ya know what? I got things done and boy did it wear me out! One day I took at 3 hour nap and the next was 4 1/2 hours. I guess I just didn't realize how little energy I have and I try to push it. That's just me. I've always pushed the envelope when it comes to myself and my health. But, being a Mom, a wife and working full time doesn't allow you to worry about yourself. I'm sure there are lots of Mom's who can relate. I can tell you that after living with this illness for 4 months now, from now on I will listen to my body and take care of me! We only get one shot at life so we have to live it feeling GOOD!
Friday, February 16, 2007
Major Milestone!!!!
Yesterday marked my half way point for treatments! It seems to good to be true that I have already been through 3 1/2 months of surgeries, numerous appts, and now I am half way through my chemotherapy. I start a new medication on March 1 and I finish April 12th if all goes as well as it has. Meaning, my counts have all been great, I've managed to stay healthy (outside of the horrendous side effects of chemo) and I haven't had to miss one treatment! I am just cruising through but not without feeling the effects, as you all know.
Yesterday while we were at treatment, there was a lot of loud clapping and cheers and I quickly realized it was for the people that were completing their treatments! Good for them. I'm sure it was an incredible feeling for them. I had the same incredible feeling walking out of there knowing that I was half way there!!
My doctor was very good to me at this visit. He was very concerned and not pleased with the amount of pain that I endure every treatment after my Nuelasta shot. He increased my pain meds and made it quite clear that I am to take them, period. I have a hard time taking a lot of
pain pills. But, if it means salvaging a little bit of my 3 days following treatment, then I suppose I'll give it a shot.
Yesterday marked my half way point for treatments! It seems to good to be true that I have already been through 3 1/2 months of surgeries, numerous appts, and now I am half way through my chemotherapy. I start a new medication on March 1 and I finish April 12th if all goes as well as it has. Meaning, my counts have all been great, I've managed to stay healthy (outside of the horrendous side effects of chemo) and I haven't had to miss one treatment! I am just cruising through but not without feeling the effects, as you all know.
Yesterday while we were at treatment, there was a lot of loud clapping and cheers and I quickly realized it was for the people that were completing their treatments! Good for them. I'm sure it was an incredible feeling for them. I had the same incredible feeling walking out of there knowing that I was half way there!!
My doctor was very good to me at this visit. He was very concerned and not pleased with the amount of pain that I endure every treatment after my Nuelasta shot. He increased my pain meds and made it quite clear that I am to take them, period. I have a hard time taking a lot of
pain pills. But, if it means salvaging a little bit of my 3 days following treatment, then I suppose I'll give it a shot.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Round 3 was pretty rough on me!
It's been a week since I have been able to post. This round really knocked me down for a while. I experienced the agonizing pain from the Nuelasta shot again . That gets me from Friday night until sometime Monday. I literally cannot move, my body hurts so much. I don't think there were any side effects from the Procrid shot to boost my red blood counts, thank goodness!
There was a mix up at the pharmacy and my precious anti-nausea pills got a bit messed up so I paid for that dearly. I have been incredibly nauseous since last Friday. I did have an ok day yesterday and so far today, I am just really exhausted with just a little nausea.
Jeff was away on business for a couple days this week. What a long 2 days! I missed him alot. My friend Kim came and played nursemaid with her 4 year old, that was sweet and so appreciated. My mother came up Tuesday to do the same. She even stayed over with me which was really sweet. My kids are a great help to me, when they are home. Frankie did pass on a basketball practice to stay with me. What a sweet son. Alyssa has been great too. We've been able to spend a little bonding time together when she gets home from practice and climbs in bed with me! At 15, I should be very grateful that she still does that occasionally.
Anyway....I will be posting a couple "choice" pics from the hat party....what a great day!
Stay tuned....
It's been a week since I have been able to post. This round really knocked me down for a while. I experienced the agonizing pain from the Nuelasta shot again . That gets me from Friday night until sometime Monday. I literally cannot move, my body hurts so much. I don't think there were any side effects from the Procrid shot to boost my red blood counts, thank goodness!
There was a mix up at the pharmacy and my precious anti-nausea pills got a bit messed up so I paid for that dearly. I have been incredibly nauseous since last Friday. I did have an ok day yesterday and so far today, I am just really exhausted with just a little nausea.
Jeff was away on business for a couple days this week. What a long 2 days! I missed him alot. My friend Kim came and played nursemaid with her 4 year old, that was sweet and so appreciated. My mother came up Tuesday to do the same. She even stayed over with me which was really sweet. My kids are a great help to me, when they are home. Frankie did pass on a basketball practice to stay with me. What a sweet son. Alyssa has been great too. We've been able to spend a little bonding time together when she gets home from practice and climbs in bed with me! At 15, I should be very grateful that she still does that occasionally.
Anyway....I will be posting a couple "choice" pics from the hat party....what a great day!
Stay tuned....
Thursday, February 01, 2007
#3 down! Only one more AC and then I start the 4 Taxol. I can see
the light at the end of the tunnel!
Jeff snapped a pic today from my camera phone of me relaxing as I got
my infusion. Not the best quality, but at least you can see how relaxed I am! It's not where I would rather be, but at least it is doable.
I found out that my red blood counts are low and I'm anemic. So, they added a new shot to boost my red counts and I also have to take more vitamins that include D and Calcium for my bones. I'll lift my counts come hell or high water. I am NOT getting a transfusion, thank you very much.
I'm feeling very tired, weak and very out of it from all the meds so I am off for a nap.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Hats, Hats, and more Hats!!! (among other wonderful things)
My sister in law and sister threw me the best Hat party on Sunday. My house was transformed into a pink palace with pink ribbons and balloons and flowers everywhere!
There were about 35 or so women here (with a couple men for good measure) and we had good food, wine (not me), an incredible chocolate fountain, laughs and a TON of hats. It was a riot. I really didn't plan on unveiling my head to a room full but I got caught up in the moment and realized that the house full of women were among the most important people in my life and my biggest supporters! So, off (fell) my scarf and I did it. I donned my bald head for all to see. It was kind of liberating, although I could never walk around like that! It was fun though, as I was then able to try on some of the hats as I opened them. I hope to have some pics to post. Some of these hats were something else!
Among the hats, I was given some beautiful jewelry, cozy pj's, scarfs and lots of other nice things. It was really a special day for me and my sister in law, Patty deserves big kudos for the time and effort she put into this. When I tell you she went above and beyond, I mean it. Hot gluing pink ribbons and pearls on toothpicks? Oh yeah, she went all out! :) Love you, Patty.
And of course a huge thank you to my sister Steph and C-Lou, Pam, Taylor, my mom, mother in law and sister in law and everyone else who contributed to the planning!
I have the best family and friends, THIS is what gets me through.
My sister in law and sister threw me the best Hat party on Sunday. My house was transformed into a pink palace with pink ribbons and balloons and flowers everywhere!
There were about 35 or so women here (with a couple men for good measure) and we had good food, wine (not me), an incredible chocolate fountain, laughs and a TON of hats. It was a riot. I really didn't plan on unveiling my head to a room full but I got caught up in the moment and realized that the house full of women were among the most important people in my life and my biggest supporters! So, off (fell) my scarf and I did it. I donned my bald head for all to see. It was kind of liberating, although I could never walk around like that! It was fun though, as I was then able to try on some of the hats as I opened them. I hope to have some pics to post. Some of these hats were something else!
Among the hats, I was given some beautiful jewelry, cozy pj's, scarfs and lots of other nice things. It was really a special day for me and my sister in law, Patty deserves big kudos for the time and effort she put into this. When I tell you she went above and beyond, I mean it. Hot gluing pink ribbons and pearls on toothpicks? Oh yeah, she went all out! :) Love you, Patty.
And of course a huge thank you to my sister Steph and C-Lou, Pam, Taylor, my mom, mother in law and sister in law and everyone else who contributed to the planning!
I have the best family and friends, THIS is what gets me through.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
And I was supposed to be feeling better this week....
With my treatment being last Thursday, I really thought that by my usual Monday/Tuesday after chemo, I'd start to really feel better. Funny thing, my only day that I haven't experienced some nausea was Wednesday. I honestly have been taking my anti-nausea pills around the clock to provide some relief. The odd thing is that my appetite hasn't been spared at all. Now I know why they say that people normally gain weight rather than lose. Great. No hair, feel like crap constantly, and yeah, I get to put on a few pounds! Well, I did just get the word that I can do a form of low impact exercise. They say that most woman get through the chemo better with some form of regular exercise. I'd like to think that I could get into that. I just don't know if I do it between the excruciating bone pain or the disgusting nausea. I'll have to plan that one out.
Sorry for the unbelievable sarcasm tonight but I just planned on taking a really quick shower and I ended up being held hostage by my hair falling out. It is unreal. Every time I touched my head, my hands were covered in hair. I came out and I can literally see my bald head now. What an incredibly bizarre feeling. I never in my life thought I would look like this, or be going through what I am. But, as usual, Jeff makes me feel terrific. He said that I have a nice small head and I look beautiful. Lord am I lucky to have such an incredible husband.
Ok, enough for tonight.
With my treatment being last Thursday, I really thought that by my usual Monday/Tuesday after chemo, I'd start to really feel better. Funny thing, my only day that I haven't experienced some nausea was Wednesday. I honestly have been taking my anti-nausea pills around the clock to provide some relief. The odd thing is that my appetite hasn't been spared at all. Now I know why they say that people normally gain weight rather than lose. Great. No hair, feel like crap constantly, and yeah, I get to put on a few pounds! Well, I did just get the word that I can do a form of low impact exercise. They say that most woman get through the chemo better with some form of regular exercise. I'd like to think that I could get into that. I just don't know if I do it between the excruciating bone pain or the disgusting nausea. I'll have to plan that one out.
Sorry for the unbelievable sarcasm tonight but I just planned on taking a really quick shower and I ended up being held hostage by my hair falling out. It is unreal. Every time I touched my head, my hands were covered in hair. I came out and I can literally see my bald head now. What an incredibly bizarre feeling. I never in my life thought I would look like this, or be going through what I am. But, as usual, Jeff makes me feel terrific. He said that I have a nice small head and I look beautiful. Lord am I lucky to have such an incredible husband.
Ok, enough for tonight.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Just an update
Let's see, my hair is really coming out. I have a trick that I got from a breast cancer message board that has really come in handy. I bought a bunch of lint rollers (pink ribbon ones, can ya stand it?) and I actually roll it on my head. It is bizarre how much hair comes off each time I do this. It sure beats having my hair all over my pillow when I wake up. My oncologist thought that was a pretty neat tip so he plans to tell all his patients. Funny.
My head doesn't really hurt anymore, thank goodness, it just gets really cold! Especially at night. I have a hat and I pull it on and off all night as I go through my hot and cold spells. Jeff told me he woke up yesterday and my little, fuzzy, pink sleep hat was on his chest. I thought that was pretty funny. I look for anything to make me laugh these days! :)
I'm one week post chemo #2 and I feel pretty good. This one definitely got me but nothing that this Tough Warrier Princess can't handle!
Keep thinking Pink!
Let's see, my hair is really coming out. I have a trick that I got from a breast cancer message board that has really come in handy. I bought a bunch of lint rollers (pink ribbon ones, can ya stand it?) and I actually roll it on my head. It is bizarre how much hair comes off each time I do this. It sure beats having my hair all over my pillow when I wake up. My oncologist thought that was a pretty neat tip so he plans to tell all his patients. Funny.
My head doesn't really hurt anymore, thank goodness, it just gets really cold! Especially at night. I have a hat and I pull it on and off all night as I go through my hot and cold spells. Jeff told me he woke up yesterday and my little, fuzzy, pink sleep hat was on his chest. I thought that was pretty funny. I look for anything to make me laugh these days! :)
I'm one week post chemo #2 and I feel pretty good. This one definitely got me but nothing that this Tough Warrier Princess can't handle!
Keep thinking Pink!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Spoke way too soon!
My first two days were so much better than my last treatment. The new anti nausea combo along with the hydration on Friday, really made a huge difference. Starting late Saturday morning though, I experienced something new that I am pretty sure I can compare to the pain of Chinese water torture. I'm just not sure if it was the side affects of the flu shot that I got or the side affects from the Nuelasta shot. It could have been a combination. All I know is that I have not experienced pain like this ever in my life. The slightest touch makes me want to jump out of my skin. The pain is unbearable. Pain killers help to dull the pain a bit, but the pain is still there in the background. I hope that's gone when I wake up in the morning. I cannot take much more of this.
On top of that, I learned that it does hurt when your hair falls out. That was something that I couldn't really get a straight answer about. Some people say that they didn't feel it, and some people say that it was very painful. I fell into the latter category. Luckily, my sister was able to come over today and shave my head. Wow was that an experience. She waited until noon because she said she felt better having a glass of wine to help her get through it. A supportive phone call from my brother and sister in law also helped her help me! I think she took it much harder than I did.
Well, it's done. My hair is gone and a bandanna covers the place where I had such a thick, head full of hair. Now we just wait until the rest falls out. I doubt it will take long. My head really hurts.
Off I go, it's time to root for the Pats!
My first two days were so much better than my last treatment. The new anti nausea combo along with the hydration on Friday, really made a huge difference. Starting late Saturday morning though, I experienced something new that I am pretty sure I can compare to the pain of Chinese water torture. I'm just not sure if it was the side affects of the flu shot that I got or the side affects from the Nuelasta shot. It could have been a combination. All I know is that I have not experienced pain like this ever in my life. The slightest touch makes me want to jump out of my skin. The pain is unbearable. Pain killers help to dull the pain a bit, but the pain is still there in the background. I hope that's gone when I wake up in the morning. I cannot take much more of this.
On top of that, I learned that it does hurt when your hair falls out. That was something that I couldn't really get a straight answer about. Some people say that they didn't feel it, and some people say that it was very painful. I fell into the latter category. Luckily, my sister was able to come over today and shave my head. Wow was that an experience. She waited until noon because she said she felt better having a glass of wine to help her get through it. A supportive phone call from my brother and sister in law also helped her help me! I think she took it much harder than I did.
Well, it's done. My hair is gone and a bandanna covers the place where I had such a thick, head full of hair. Now we just wait until the rest falls out. I doubt it will take long. My head really hurts.
Off I go, it's time to root for the Pats!
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Two Down - 6 to go!
I have to say that so far, I have come through treatment number 2 alot better than the first one.
I was able to change my anti nausea drugs to something alot more heavy duty, and along with another 3 anti nausea drugs that I take in conjunction, I've been saved from any major problems.
I also went back on Friday and had them administer a 2 hour hydration drip that also helped alot. I got my flu shot and my handy dandy Nulasta shot to rebuild my white blood cell count, and I was good to go!
Today I am very tired and my hair has just begun to start it's trip out of my head. I knew it was coming, but I can't say that it makes it any easier. Jeff woke me up at 1:30 this morning to take a pill and I felt the pain in my head and I knew. By the time I woke up at 7:30 and ran my hands through my hair, it was just coming out like I was emptying a hairbrush. Of course I cried. It caught me off guard even though my doctor told me 7-10 days and it's been well over that. I just thought that maybe with my big head of strong hair, that I somehow would be spared and end up in the medical books or something. No such luck.
I'm going to baby my head all day today and tomorrow my sister will come over and just shave it off. They say if you shave it, it will grow back easier and faster. I'm all for that.
Well, that's the latest report on me. Thanks to all of you that have continued to write, send cards, flowers and just keep wishing me well. It means so much to me to have such a strong support system! I'm a very lucky woman!
THINK PINK
Tracy
I have to say that so far, I have come through treatment number 2 alot better than the first one.
I was able to change my anti nausea drugs to something alot more heavy duty, and along with another 3 anti nausea drugs that I take in conjunction, I've been saved from any major problems.
I also went back on Friday and had them administer a 2 hour hydration drip that also helped alot. I got my flu shot and my handy dandy Nulasta shot to rebuild my white blood cell count, and I was good to go!
Today I am very tired and my hair has just begun to start it's trip out of my head. I knew it was coming, but I can't say that it makes it any easier. Jeff woke me up at 1:30 this morning to take a pill and I felt the pain in my head and I knew. By the time I woke up at 7:30 and ran my hands through my hair, it was just coming out like I was emptying a hairbrush. Of course I cried. It caught me off guard even though my doctor told me 7-10 days and it's been well over that. I just thought that maybe with my big head of strong hair, that I somehow would be spared and end up in the medical books or something. No such luck.
I'm going to baby my head all day today and tomorrow my sister will come over and just shave it off. They say if you shave it, it will grow back easier and faster. I'm all for that.
Well, that's the latest report on me. Thanks to all of you that have continued to write, send cards, flowers and just keep wishing me well. It means so much to me to have such a strong support system! I'm a very lucky woman!
THINK PINK
Tracy
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Attitude
There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror,
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today!"
So she did
and
she
had
a
wonderful
day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror
and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
"H-M-M," she said,
"I think I'll part my hair down the middle today!"
So she did
and
she
had
a
grand
day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.
"Well," she said,
"today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."
So she did
and
she
had
a
fun,
fun
day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
"YEA!" she exclaimed,
"I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly..
Leave the rest to God
Monday, January 08, 2007
Day 5 post chemo....yuck
Within 3 hours of getting home, I started to enjoy the side effects that I have learned so much about. I have since spent the past 5 days with severe nausea, massive headaches from one of the anti-nausea drugs, bone pain from the Nuelasta shot that helps restore my white blood cells, and today I have just begun to experience the mouth sores that I tried so hard to stay away from. I was told that if I ate a popsicle or ice chips during the adriamycin push, that maybe I could prevent mouth sores. Maybe I helped ward them off a little longer but I certainly didn't escape them this time. Basically I have found it difficult to get my head off the pillow for most of the past 5 days.
I think I may have learned the trick with all of the pain meds, and anti-nausea drugs so next time, I can handle it better. I suppose the first time is always the worst because of the unknown. I know now, and I hope I change my strategy for next time.
I'll get there, one day at a time.
Within 3 hours of getting home, I started to enjoy the side effects that I have learned so much about. I have since spent the past 5 days with severe nausea, massive headaches from one of the anti-nausea drugs, bone pain from the Nuelasta shot that helps restore my white blood cells, and today I have just begun to experience the mouth sores that I tried so hard to stay away from. I was told that if I ate a popsicle or ice chips during the adriamycin push, that maybe I could prevent mouth sores. Maybe I helped ward them off a little longer but I certainly didn't escape them this time. Basically I have found it difficult to get my head off the pillow for most of the past 5 days.
I think I may have learned the trick with all of the pain meds, and anti-nausea drugs so next time, I can handle it better. I suppose the first time is always the worst because of the unknown. I know now, and I hope I change my strategy for next time.
I'll get there, one day at a time.
Friday, January 05, 2007
One down, only 7 to go!
I am thrilled with my port. It actually made the whole chemo process so much easier to bear.
Jeff and I got there at 10:45am and were home by 3:30pm. The treatment itself was a piece of cake, what came afterwards at home wasn't so much fun. Put it this way, I was calling myself the rookie yesterday and I guess I was given the "hazing" treatment for my first time in order to join the "club". I had the most miserable night of my life. Nausea and vomiting took over my Thursday "Office and Grey's Anatomy" night. Thank goodness for DVR!
Today I was able to keep some food down and slept most of the day. My sister came over and cut my hair really short, at the advice of my oncologist. He told me that it would be approximately 7-10 days until my hair fell out. I was thinking about starting a pool to see who could guess the day or the closest day to the actual event! Silly, I know but what can I say.
I had to go back to the doctor today in order to get my Neulasta shot which helps rebuild my white blood cells. This is necessary in order to keep up with the every 2 weeks treatment. I'll do whatever it takes to get through this faster!
Well, now that this one is under by belt, I just sit here waiting for the different side effects so I learn how to carry on with a semi normal life during treatments.
I'm just happy to have started the countdown so we can all get back to life B.C.
I am thrilled with my port. It actually made the whole chemo process so much easier to bear.
Jeff and I got there at 10:45am and were home by 3:30pm. The treatment itself was a piece of cake, what came afterwards at home wasn't so much fun. Put it this way, I was calling myself the rookie yesterday and I guess I was given the "hazing" treatment for my first time in order to join the "club". I had the most miserable night of my life. Nausea and vomiting took over my Thursday "Office and Grey's Anatomy" night. Thank goodness for DVR!
Today I was able to keep some food down and slept most of the day. My sister came over and cut my hair really short, at the advice of my oncologist. He told me that it would be approximately 7-10 days until my hair fell out. I was thinking about starting a pool to see who could guess the day or the closest day to the actual event! Silly, I know but what can I say.
I had to go back to the doctor today in order to get my Neulasta shot which helps rebuild my white blood cells. This is necessary in order to keep up with the every 2 weeks treatment. I'll do whatever it takes to get through this faster!
Well, now that this one is under by belt, I just sit here waiting for the different side effects so I learn how to carry on with a semi normal life during treatments.
I'm just happy to have started the countdown so we can all get back to life B.C.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Getting mentally prepared.....
There really hasn't been a lot to report as far as my health is concerned. I've been using this time to get myself mentally and emotionally prepared for next week. I am scheduled for surgery on Wednesday to get the port inserted. I met with my doctor the other day who explained the procedure and assured me that I wouldn't feel a thing or remember a thing. Sounds good to me. To be honest, I am not that nervous about that anymore. I am more afraid of the chemo on Thursday as I am not 100% sure what to expect. I'm quite sure that these are all normal feelings.
Basically the port itself is just about the size of a quarter and attached to it is the catheter that will be inserted and attached to my vein. It'll sit just under my collarbone and will be a god send in the long run. There is no way that I could go through 16 weeks of grueling intravenous poking and hours of treatments like that. I was so afraid of it at first, but after reading and hearing real people's stories, it is so the way to go!
As an update to my initial surgery, it's been 6 weeks (yesterday). I feel so much better and can do a lot more now with my arms. Of course, I am pretty sure that I shouldn't have mopped the entire kitchen and bathroom floors this morning. I am sure paying for that now! Please be assured that I didn't do it because Jeff wouldn't - he has been incredible! I was simply looking for something a little physical to do as I have been going out of my mind. Even though I was so proud of myself that I was able to get it done, it probably wasn't the best choice!! Live and learn I suppose.
I don't want to bore everyone with the details of my recovery but I did want to give an update as to where I go from here. I am at a pretty good place mentally right now, but like I said, it's the unknown that makes me crazy. A week from today I'll have one treatment under my belt and I'll just take it one day at a time from there.
There really hasn't been a lot to report as far as my health is concerned. I've been using this time to get myself mentally and emotionally prepared for next week. I am scheduled for surgery on Wednesday to get the port inserted. I met with my doctor the other day who explained the procedure and assured me that I wouldn't feel a thing or remember a thing. Sounds good to me. To be honest, I am not that nervous about that anymore. I am more afraid of the chemo on Thursday as I am not 100% sure what to expect. I'm quite sure that these are all normal feelings.
Basically the port itself is just about the size of a quarter and attached to it is the catheter that will be inserted and attached to my vein. It'll sit just under my collarbone and will be a god send in the long run. There is no way that I could go through 16 weeks of grueling intravenous poking and hours of treatments like that. I was so afraid of it at first, but after reading and hearing real people's stories, it is so the way to go!
As an update to my initial surgery, it's been 6 weeks (yesterday). I feel so much better and can do a lot more now with my arms. Of course, I am pretty sure that I shouldn't have mopped the entire kitchen and bathroom floors this morning. I am sure paying for that now! Please be assured that I didn't do it because Jeff wouldn't - he has been incredible! I was simply looking for something a little physical to do as I have been going out of my mind. Even though I was so proud of myself that I was able to get it done, it probably wasn't the best choice!! Live and learn I suppose.
I don't want to bore everyone with the details of my recovery but I did want to give an update as to where I go from here. I am at a pretty good place mentally right now, but like I said, it's the unknown that makes me crazy. A week from today I'll have one treatment under my belt and I'll just take it one day at a time from there.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
It's been very busy around here since I last posted. A couple of years ago, we all decided that Christmas Day would be a day where we would spend the entire day at home, just Jeff and I and the kids. What that means of course, is that we have to plan out numerous holiday parties with my side of the family and both of Jeff's sides, and then of course the kids and their Dad's family. So, needless to say, December weekends have been filled with lots of holiday gatherings up here in Pelham, NH. This year, more than ever, we have really enjoyed our time with all of our families. I am absolutely exhausted and I just really sat back and watched everybody scurry around me to make it all happen! Thank you to all of our family members for working so hard to make the holidays so special!!!
In addition to all of the holiday parties, Frankie turned 13 on December 11th. Poor kid, had to sit through a chemo teaching for an hour and a half on his birthday. I can assure you, it was made up for, 1o fold!
Yesterday, our house was full from a visit from our Bermuda family!
The day went by too fast of course, and although their visit was short this time, it was so good to have them here with us. Jeff vowed that when my treatments are all over and I am feeling up to it, we'll all go down and just veg in Bermuda for a while. Now there's something positive to look forward to - my home away from home!
In addition to all of the holiday parties, Frankie turned 13 on December 11th. Poor kid, had to sit through a chemo teaching for an hour and a half on his birthday. I can assure you, it was made up for, 1o fold!
Yesterday, our house was full from a visit from our Bermuda family!
The day went by too fast of course, and although their visit was short this time, it was so good to have them here with us. Jeff vowed that when my treatments are all over and I am feeling up to it, we'll all go down and just veg in Bermuda for a while. Now there's something positive to look forward to - my home away from home!
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Hi this is Alyssa. Today we had a holiday party with my mom's side of the family. I thought I would put up some pictures from the party. Mom felt pretty good today. Thanks to everyone who sent flowers, cards & gifts of support. It's nice to know that my mom has so many people that care about her =].
This is My Mom & I.
Jeff and my Mom
Frankie w/his new Red Sox shirt
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Update
There isn't really alot to update except for the fact that I saw my plastic surgeon yesterday and he said that I am healing really well. Everything looks good and I am well on my way to recovery as far as the surgery is concerned. I still can't drive, which is a total bummer. But as soon as I can lift my arms up without any pain, I'll be back in businesss!
I'll be back with more later......
There isn't really alot to update except for the fact that I saw my plastic surgeon yesterday and he said that I am healing really well. Everything looks good and I am well on my way to recovery as far as the surgery is concerned. I still can't drive, which is a total bummer. But as soon as I can lift my arms up without any pain, I'll be back in businesss!
I'll be back with more later......
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
I'm having a tough day today....
My Oncologist called it "processing" as I sat there crying in his office today. He asked me to start from day one and explain the chain of events of how my cancer was discovered. It was very difficult to do this, especially since I was there to learn the details of my treatments and I was already upset and nervous. I'm beginning to think that the surgery was the easiest part of this whole thing. I am trying to stay focused but the thought of the chemo treatments that I am facing are really doing a number on me emotionally. My doctor explained that there was a 30% chance of reoccurring without the chemo. That doesn't leave me with any options other than to do it of course. I will undergo a total of 4 months of treatments. The first 2 months will consist of a series of 2 drugs every other week. The second two months will be one drug every other week. I am really scared and nervous about the fact that I have to have a port placed into my chest so the chemo and all the blood work can be done much easier. If I don't have the port, my veins would look like I was a junkie. I'm not looking forward to any of this. I wouldn't think anyone would really. Sorry that this update isn't more upbeat, but I suppose I am entitled to a bad day every now and then. I do have my positive attitude, and I am thankful that things aren't as bad as they could be. I just needed to have a "moment" to collect my thoughts and really let this all sink in and "process" as my doctor said today. My port will be put in the first week of January (Happy New Year) and chemo will start immediately that week. I was told within a week or so of my first treatment, I can expect to lose all my hair. I better start learning how to tie a doo rag or buy some cool hats. I was also told that I have to give up 30% of the things that use my energy the most. Looks like I'll be hiring a personal cook, cleaning person and driver! Maybe Sandals can loan me one of their butlers for 4 months! Wouldn't that be nice? I just have to stay positive and it will turn out fine, with a cancer free mummy shizzle :). This is Frankie I just thought I'd finish it up a little.
My Oncologist called it "processing" as I sat there crying in his office today. He asked me to start from day one and explain the chain of events of how my cancer was discovered. It was very difficult to do this, especially since I was there to learn the details of my treatments and I was already upset and nervous. I'm beginning to think that the surgery was the easiest part of this whole thing. I am trying to stay focused but the thought of the chemo treatments that I am facing are really doing a number on me emotionally. My doctor explained that there was a 30% chance of reoccurring without the chemo. That doesn't leave me with any options other than to do it of course. I will undergo a total of 4 months of treatments. The first 2 months will consist of a series of 2 drugs every other week. The second two months will be one drug every other week. I am really scared and nervous about the fact that I have to have a port placed into my chest so the chemo and all the blood work can be done much easier. If I don't have the port, my veins would look like I was a junkie. I'm not looking forward to any of this. I wouldn't think anyone would really. Sorry that this update isn't more upbeat, but I suppose I am entitled to a bad day every now and then. I do have my positive attitude, and I am thankful that things aren't as bad as they could be. I just needed to have a "moment" to collect my thoughts and really let this all sink in and "process" as my doctor said today. My port will be put in the first week of January (Happy New Year) and chemo will start immediately that week. I was told within a week or so of my first treatment, I can expect to lose all my hair. I better start learning how to tie a doo rag or buy some cool hats. I was also told that I have to give up 30% of the things that use my energy the most. Looks like I'll be hiring a personal cook, cleaning person and driver! Maybe Sandals can loan me one of their butlers for 4 months! Wouldn't that be nice? I just have to stay positive and it will turn out fine, with a cancer free mummy shizzle :). This is Frankie I just thought I'd finish it up a little.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Pathology Report - It finally came!
Jeff and I went to see my incredibly talented and sweet surgeon today. She went over the pathology report with us in layman's terms. It was kind of like reading Pathology Reports for Dummies so we would completely understand the findings. Honestly, there are still some things that we don't quite understand but hey, the important part wast that my lymph nodes (or nymph lodes as Jeff quite often says) were not affected! This we were told in the hospital, but seeing it in black and white felt so good.
What was a little upsetting was that the cancer was actually much worse than originally thought from the biopsies. I had invasive ductal carcinoma and DCIS on each side. So stage 1 in one and Stage 2 in the other. I am so glad that I had the surgery that I did. It's sure not fun recovering from it, but once I am healed it will be just an icky memory.
I am so very lucky that this has turned out the way it has. I caught it, and I am dealing with it now and I will be fine when the treatments are all over. I thank my lucky stars every day that I started early mammograms due to my family history. I am only over one hurdle and have a long way to go, but I'll get there!
Tomorrow we see the Oncologist who will outline the chemo plan for treatments. I'll post tomorrow after we know more. Wish me luck that I don't have to have alot! I am nervous just thinking about it.
Jeff and I went to see my incredibly talented and sweet surgeon today. She went over the pathology report with us in layman's terms. It was kind of like reading Pathology Reports for Dummies so we would completely understand the findings. Honestly, there are still some things that we don't quite understand but hey, the important part wast that my lymph nodes (or nymph lodes as Jeff quite often says) were not affected! This we were told in the hospital, but seeing it in black and white felt so good.
What was a little upsetting was that the cancer was actually much worse than originally thought from the biopsies. I had invasive ductal carcinoma and DCIS on each side. So stage 1 in one and Stage 2 in the other. I am so glad that I had the surgery that I did. It's sure not fun recovering from it, but once I am healed it will be just an icky memory.
I am so very lucky that this has turned out the way it has. I caught it, and I am dealing with it now and I will be fine when the treatments are all over. I thank my lucky stars every day that I started early mammograms due to my family history. I am only over one hurdle and have a long way to go, but I'll get there!
Tomorrow we see the Oncologist who will outline the chemo plan for treatments. I'll post tomorrow after we know more. Wish me luck that I don't have to have alot! I am nervous just thinking about it.
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